Lesbian Lifestyle
Marlee Matlin’s Great Lesbian Adventure
Karmen Ratkovic is a political activist in Croatia, working with non-governmental organizations ( NGOs ) on a wide range of issues. She is also a Deaf lesbian activist, and has been working to expand the visibility of lesbians in her country. One way she has done this is through sports, in organizations such as qSPORT and Bura, a lesbian soccer team, that played in the Gay Games last summer in Chicago. The following e-mail interview was conducted with actor Marlee Matlin in early September.
Academy Award winner Matlin will be in Chicago for a gala benefit featuring her co-stars from The L Word ( Jennifer Beals, Daniela Sea and BETTY ) , along with comic Marga Gomez, Sat., Oct. 6, at The Chopping Block, 222 Merchandise Mart. Chefs Art Smith and Shelley Young will also be featured at this Celebrity Cook-Off benefit for Gender PAC, a national gender-rights group.
Karmen Ratkovic: How do you live in the surrounding of hearing people? Do you have anybody who is Deaf, that is, do you have any contact with Deaf people?
Marlee Matlin: My family [ husband and children ] are not deaf and most of my friends at work and at home are hearing. I grew up in Chicago, where my entire family was also hearing [ mom, dad and two brothers as well as various aunts, uncles and cousins ] . But most of my friends growing up in Chicago were deaf and my classmates were deaf as well. Today, I have some close friends who are deaf, but again, most of my daily friends and acquaintances are hearing. I do well going back and forth between Deaf and hearing worlds. It’s the way I’ve always been.
KR: What was it that moved you to be an actress? Is your choosing the career of the actress in any relation with your Deafness? How has Hollywood stereotyped you and what roles are available?
MM: I’ve wanted to act since I was seven years old; that’s when I did my first play, The Wizard of Oz. My mother said she took me to the International Center on Deafness and the Arts because she saw a desire in me to perform in front of people, and ICODA provided opportunities for deaf children to participate in the arts and drama. But I don’t know if I chose acting because I was deaf. I chose acting because I was good at it!
As for Hollywood stereotyping me, Hollywood stereotypes everyone—men, women, young actors, old actors and actors with disabilities. Hollywood is all about fantasy and drama, and that means we all play characters that are larger than life. Often, this includes stereotypical behavior, behaviors that audiences can easily identity with. As for me, I shun stereotypes and I refuse to take roles which make me look silly or stupid as a Deaf person. It’s also the reason why a lot of the roles I take are ones that I have created together with the writers and producers. Whether it’s been the Dancing Bandit character I played on Picket Fences or the pollster I played on The West Wing or Jodi Lerner from The L Word, the characters I’ve played have avoided the stereotypes of Deafness and have broken new ground in the portrayals of Deaf characters. I’m proud of having opened the doors for other actors in Hollywood who are Deaf.
KR: Your brother is gay. How do feel about that? What can you tell us about the relationship with your brother in regard to your Deafness and his homosexuality—is there any influence in any direction? How about your view of gay people; how do you understand/see them, their challenges, problems, etc.?
MM: My brother is my brother, gay or not. His being gay never factored into how we thought of him in our family or how much we loved him. However, you could say our relationship has been defined by the fact that I’m Deaf and he’s gay because we both come from communities that are in the minority. I think that has drawn us closer to each other. And as Ilene Chaiken, the executive producer of The L Word, said to me as she was developing my character, the issues facing Deaf people parallel the issues facing the LGBT community because both operate as minorities who are misunderstood by the general population. I found this fascinating but not surprising. In any case, as Matlins we are a very close and loving family, and whether we are Deaf, gay, Jewish, etc., we lived by the idea that every person deserves love and respect despite what people label as “differences.”
KR: Here in Croatia, we’ve got no opportunity to see your acting in The L Word, but I’m fascinated by your roles in Children of a Lesser God and recently in What the Bleep. Anyway, I want to know what moved you to choose to join The L Word. How do you feel in this role?
MM: I was challenged by the very nature of the role in The L Word. It was so different than anything I had every played before. I’ve always asked to play roles that were new and challenging and playing a lesbian artist is certainly new for me! I was fortunate to have been cast alongside my friend, Jennifer Beals, who made the transition into playing a lesbian quite easy. She was assuring, as well as funny and she put my mind at ease when it came to playing something I had never played before. I love the cast and crew of The L Word and the role of Jodi Lerner is one of the most fascinating characters I’ve ever played!
KR: Since taking on The L Word role, you have attended many gay and lesbian events and benefits [ in various places ] , including Chicago, your hometown, where your brother introduced you. Can you tell us how being seen as more of an “activist” on the issue of gays and lesbians feels?
MM: I’ve always been a supporter of minority communities and issues, so when I was asked to come out and support the LGBT community, I was glad to lend my name and presence. I don’t necessarily consider myself an activist as much as I consider myself as a woman with an opinion. I wish I had time to be a full-time activist but I’m not so good at politics. But I am good at speaking my mind and my mind has always told me that no one, whether straight or gay, has the right to be discriminated against simply because of their sexual preferences. So, if there’s discrimination out there or people are not realizing their rights, I’m happy to speak out on their behalf and use my public position to focus attention on the issue. That’s what I can do best as an actor!
KR: Can you tell us any favorite parts about playing opposite Jennifer Beals on The L Word, and where this role is going this coming season?
MM: We loved laughing and giggling when we first worked together. Jennifer had already been playing a lesbian for three years on the show and this past season was my first time. She made fun of the way I kissed and held her, and she challenged me to do it better—to do it right. But I told her that I was doing it right!
All through my process of learning, she put my mind at ease and made it so easy for me to slip into the role of the lesbian artist, Jodi. We also playfully argued about who had the better clothes ( Jennifer chic, Marlee funky ) and our past roles. I often kidded her about Flashdance ( she pretended she didn’t like to talk about that movie ) and she often kidded me about Children Of A Lesser God, which I made when I was 19 and looked very different! She is so much fun.
As for this coming season, I can’t say what’s going to happen, but I can tell you it’s going to be very intense—more so than last year—and if you have a chance to watch, tune in!
KR: In your role on The L Word, are you happy with the way the writers have handled your Deafness, making it a critical part of your character and her politics?
MM: The writers on The L Word have been nothing but 100 percent open to incorporating accurate portrayals of Deafness. They’ve brought in other Deaf actors, [ and ] they’ve asked me to help them with storylines; it’s been a dream! There’s nothing on the show that I am embarrassed about [ regarding ] the way Jodi Lerner is portrayed. She is an accurate and very real example of a real Deaf character on television and I am very proud of having the opportunity to portray her.
KR: What do you think of the recent controversial issues in America, including the arrest and resignation of a U.S. senator for bathroom solicitation, and the potential approval of same-sex marriage in Iowa? Where do you think the gay movement is headed in terms of acceptance, and do you see any parallels with the Deaf community?
MM: All of the controversy about how nothing ever changes in terms of how people view gay people doesn’t surprise me. It’s been the same for the Deaf community. As Deaf people, we have had to constantly struggle to be respected and afforded our rights; the same goes for members of the gay community. I’ve learned that the struggle for equality and respect is an ongoing one and it’s the same in the gay community, too. People’s memories are short and every few years there’s an issue ( like the Gallaudet University uprising or the Matthew Shepard case ) that serves to remind us that we will always have to struggle for our rightful place in society. I believe we should never get complacent or comfortable because before you know it, public opinions can change and/or those who make laws or lead us may come into power that takes away everything that we’ve achieved. It’s a never-ending struggle and that’s unfortunate. But it has made me strong and I’m sure that’s the same for any member of the gay community that seeks to make a difference and live a life equal to their straight brothers and sisters.
KR: You are coming to Chicago for a benefit for Gender PAC. Can you explain your support of GPAC, especially as it relates to understanding transgender and gender identity issues?
MM: GPAC is all about gender equality and I’m all for that. As I said, no person should be denied their rights for love and respect simply because of their gender or sexual preference. GPAC works to make sure that no one should be discriminated against simply because of who they choose to love. And in particular, GPAC is working to make sure that LGBT teens—people who need positive reinforcement the most as they grow into adulthood—are afforded love and respect. Too often it is the community of LGBT teens that we see high rates of suicide because of society’s unwillingness to accept them for who they are. GPAC is there to protect and support them—and I’m there to support GPAC.
Putting lesbian parents on the radar
The new fall TV season is upon us, but one group you won't be seeing more of -- on network shows, anyway -- is gay and lesbian characters. But one entrepreneur is betting market economics can change that.
KAI RYSSDAL: In case you somehow missed the full-page newspaper ads and the promo spots that've been running the past few weeks, the fall television season is upon us. New series, with new casts -- returning hits as well.
One group you won't be seeing more of -- on network shows, anyway -- is gay and lesbian characters. The Gay and Lesbian Alliance said this week just 1.1 percent of all characters on the big five broadcast networks are gay.
As low as that is, it's actually down from a year ago. As for gay couples with children, they've never been able to find a home in TV land. But one entrepreneur is betting market economics can change that.
Dottie's Magic Pockets is a kids' TV program like any other. It's got a fun story, silly characters and lots of songs. There's just one difference: The little boy on the show has two mommies.
Tammy Stoner is CEO of Pink Pea, the company that created Dottie's Magic Pockets. Her own son was the inspiration for the show -- Stoner raises him with the help of her ex-partner, Beth.
TAMMY STONER: By about 2-and-a-half, we'd say "Well, Mom and Momma and Oliver are going out" or whatever, and he would actually replace one of our names with Dad. He had started asking for videos of two mommies -- and after I did hours and hours of research on the Internet, I realized there literally was no programming available for him at that time.
There are roughly two million American households with same-sex parents. That number grows every year as gay families choose to raise children. You'd think that companies would be salivating at the thought of a clearly defined, growing market, but they're not.
JERRY MCHUGH: It's a market that has hardly been touched.
Jerry McHugh is senior research director for Community Marketing, a consulting group for gays and lesbians. He says gay men have been on marketers' radars for years. But lesbians haven't, and most gay parents are women
.MCHUGH: The median income of those families who have children is about $80,000. They have some money to spend, it's a well educated group of people, they're looking for products that speak to them in identifying their own unique characteristics.
If business hasn't paid much attention to same-sex-headed families, the media seems to have actively avoided them. Sure, there's plenty of gay-friendly programming out there, like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Will and Grace.
But in 2005, when PBS tried to air a show that included a family with two moms, activists forced PBS to pull the episode. Pink Pea's Tammy Stoner recognizes that gay parenting is still a sensitive issue. She's only selling DVDs of Dottie's Magic Pockets over the Web, and she's not pitching to the networks -- yet.
STONER: As we become more successful on our own, there is going to be a sort of mainstream eyebrow raising where they're gonna look over and see the success that Pink Pea and Dottie's Magic Pockets is having, and want to embrace some of that themselves.
Media companies will be first in line to give Stoner a hug -- if the money's good enough. Jackie Joyce is editor-in-chief of entertainment research firm Baseline Studio Systems.
JACKIE JOYCE: The motivation for showing gays and lesbians and transgenders in the mainstream media is definitely motivated by economics. I don't know that you'd have to talk executives into the fact that there's a lot of money to be made there.
The trick for those execs is getting their hands on the money without offending mainstream audiences. In Dottie's Magic Pockets, Tammy Stoner wants to show the audience that a family parented by two people of the same sex is like any other.
If she can convince viewers to accept gay parents -- even just as the background to a story -- she'll be helping out millions of families. And, boosting Pink Pea's bottom line.
USA Lesbian Consumer Index Report 2007-08
An unprecedented 25,000 participants, split almost evenly between gay men and lesbians, have completed the CMI Gay & Lesbian Consumer Index survey, resulting in the most comprehensive and truly representative LGBT market research in the world. The USA Gay Consumer Indexand the USA Lesbian Consumer Indexinclude ground-breaking quantitative data and deep insights on demographics, psychographics, purchase behavior and motivations, and social and political perspectives.
Methodology
In the 34-day period from Friday, April 13, 2007 to Wednesday, May 16, 2007, 12,044 men and 10,380 women who self-identify themselves as gay or lesbian and reside in the United States completed this survey. The goal of this study was to survey self-identified out lesbian and gay consumers, who interact with gay and lesbian print or internet media, regarding their purchasing habits and motivators. With sample sizes of over 10,000, the margin of error is plus or minus 1% at a 95% confidence interval.
Because this study encompassed such a wide variety of media and other partners, covering virtually every geographic area of the USA, the findings contained in this report present the first truly representative profile of lesbian and gay male consumers in history. Analysis of the geographical distribution of respondents closely matches the distribution of gays and lesbians in the United States as found in 2000 US Census and other CMI research comparisons.
The methodology employed polls consumers representing the target audience who can be reached using LGBT print and Internet marketing resources. The findings derive from those who identify openly as gay or lesbian and read LGBT publications and/or websites, and/or belong to email lists. These results should not necessarily be extrapolated to the entire gay and lesbian population; however, these findings do provide guidance regarding the perceptions and opinions of out gays and lesbians who can be reached through LGBT websites and publications.
By using more than 75 local, regional and national media distributed throughout the United States, as well as our own survey pool amassed from more than 14 years of research of lesbians and gay men, we assured geographic distribution covered the entire nation. (37% of respondents to the Gay Consumer Index and 41% of those from the Lesbian Consumer Index live in non-coastal states.)
CMI chose not to weight the results of this survey, but instead to offer insight to specific questions based on age, gender and/or income. The decision to weight a national sample assumes that there is a reliable measure with which the sample can be weighted. There are, however no official government-provided data on sexual orientation (as there are for education, race, age, gender, and region, all provided by the U.S. Census Bureau). All available data is based on surveys, subject to a variety of sources of error, and therefore not suitable as a weighting target.
US Census data is misleading as it only considers same-sex couples living together in the same household who specified that the relationship between the first party and the second party on the survey form was ""partner."" Census data ignores all single lesbians and gay men, and couples who do not live together, and those who interpret their relationship as other than ""partner"" on a government form, therefore other available data (including the US Census) was used to determine that this study fairly represents US lesbians and gay men.
Analysis includes a review of the age distribution of respondents compared to the age distribution of men and women from the US Census. Respondents skewed toward the median age in both studies as disclosed in the reports. The survey samples of lesbians and gay men under age 25 and over age 65 are lower than the percentage of US residents in that age brackets. However, social issues may attribute to this. Because people come to the conclusion that they are gay or lesbian at different ages, it is understandable that the percentage of younger respondents would be lower than the US population as a whole. Seniors may have experienced different social taboos and therefore may be less likely to be out. In addition, especially among older gay men, the lower numbers could be partially contributed to the early years of the AIDS epidemic.
UA hires gay, lesbian affairs director
UA officials are creating a new office for gay and lesbian affairs on campus and have selected Wingspan programs director Cathy Busha as its first leader. Busha will start Nov. 13 as director of the LGBTQ Affairs Office, which UA President Robert Shelton has created on the recommendation of the campus LGBT advisory council. LGBTQ refers to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning. “The really exciting news about this position is there’s a lot already on campus that’s really supportive,” said Busha, who worked at Wingspan for the past nine years.
Busha cited the UA’s strong academic position on LGBT issues, the student-led Pride Alliance and OUTReach, the faculty, staff and graduate student organization. In its college guide, The Advocate, a LGBT magazine, rated the UA one of the top 100 LGBT-friendly campuses in the country with a score of 15 out of 20, Busha said. “The initial work will be just bringing these groups together so they’re able to hear from one another what they’re doing,” Busha said. The new position will pay $50,000 and be part of the Dean of Students office, said UA spokesman Johnny Cruz. The office will provide information, education and support regarding sexual orientation and gender issues on campus and will work to facilitate connections off campus.
“One goal of the position is to build collaborations from the campus to the community,” Busha said. “It’s a place where some work has been done and my job will be to build that relationship even more.” She joined Wingspan in 1998 as a youth group facilitator volunteer and has worked as an advocate for survivors of domestic violence and coordinator of the community center’s Anti-Violence Project. She was named 2004 Woman of the Year by the Arizona LGBT magazine Echo. She said one area she’ll explore is the possibility of a future LGBT center on campus.
“This position really speaks to President Shelton’s leadership,” Busha said. “He has a very strong commitment to creating a very welcoming, open and diverse campus.”
Tips for New Lovers
New love is great. When ever you see your sweetie, you get butterflies in your stomach, you talk for hours on the phone and sex is full of passion and discovery. But something we don't talk about much is that new lovers can sometimes be awkward in the bedroom. Especially if you haven't had many sexual experiences. You can feel clumsy, unsure and like you don't know how or where to touch. That's the part they never show in the movies. But that's the part many of you write in about. "I love her and I want to please her, but how?"
First of all, the only way you're going to succeed at this is if you two have good communication.
Yes, talking about sex is hard. It's not something we're taught how to do. Actually, as women, we've been conditioned not to talk about it. It's a hard one to break. So how do you talk about sex when you don't even know where to start? A great place to start is get a copy of Felice Newman's The Whole Lesbian Sex Book. In it you'll find gobs of information about orgasm, sex toys, the human sexual response, anatomy and safe sex. If you're more the visual type, The Guide to Lesbian Sex by Jude Schell is chock full of beautiful photos of different sexual positions. You can your partner can look through this together and see what sparks your interest.
It doesn't matter where you start, just that you do start talking before things do get boring. Here are a few more suggestions:
- Ways to keep sex exciting
- Bring sensuous food into the bedroom
- Try different locations--in nature, in the kitchen, the bath.
- Keep the romance alive with music, candles, flower pedals on the bed.
- Flirt with her all night, whisper in her ear all the things you're going to do to her later. She'll be so worked up by the time you get to the bedroom, she'll probably burst.
- Don't just focus on the orgasm. Just as there's a lot more to softball than hitting a home run, there's a lot more to sex than coming. Spend time on her whole body. See how long you can go without orgasming.
- Try different toys like dildos and vibrators. Sex toys can turn a dull night into something fun.
- Don't let your insecurity get in the way. You saw how letting loose and getting loud turned her on, imagine if you take control one night and run the show.
- Don't fall into predictable patterns. I touch you here, you touch me there, I do you, you do me gets old pretty quick. Add variety, switch things up.
- Sex is a two-way street. It's give and take, communication and sharing. A successful sex life demands that both of you put effort in
- Most importantly, make a commitment to having a great sex life. Be committed to learning new things, trying new things and discussing what you do and don't like. Be bold!
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